We have all written at least one holiday happy letter.  I did, more than one.  I usually wrote them in February, a boring month at our house.  I mixed fact with fiction as I wrote the letter.  I am much older now and there is a sense of panic around the holidays due to things that go bump in the night.  The midnight phone call, or any call after midnight and before five a.m. wakes us up with a startle.  These calls are never good news.  “Grandma pushed her Life Alert button five times in two nights.”  You find out, after driving 21 hours, that she is right as rain.  She fell out of bed getting up to use the bathroom’s facilities three times, and slid off the bed trying to get back into bed twice. True, and she is sober doing it. Florida has a short fuse with non-emergency emergencies.  We were informed that she cannot live alone anymore.  This is crushing reality.  She does not want to live in her aging childrens’ homes with the grand-kids and their kids and dogs, cats, gerbils, and various viruses.

But, we write none of that.  We make grandma sound like a merry old soul.  She has never fallen. She did not yell at the Life-line representative:'” I have NEVER fallen out of bed, ever.  I DID not call Life-line five times in two days.  No I did not EVER need an ambulance to take me for x-rays. These piles of letters, dolls, wrapping paper, books, letters and old Christmas cards will not fall down on me and kill me.  I am just ninety-four years old and that’s that.” You write that great grandma at Christmas is a gift that keeps on giving each year. “She is so fun as she remembers her childhood Christmas times when an orange in her stocking was the best gift ever.”

We have a new member to our fur family.  She loves the Christmas tree.  (Never mention that she loves climbing the trunk of the tree. And she loves to chew on the presents under the tree).  Your husband is newly retired and you tell everyone that you each love being with each other every hour of the day,  You write that you are learning to enjoy basketball games on t.v., and that your husband loves to go to craft fairs. (none are true.)

You have a snowman on your front lawn that is six feet tall.  All of the able bodied guests helped make it, and also helped make holiday cookies.  Actually you made the snowman after all were asleep except for the babies. You bought the cookies from Meijer and put them on display on your cookie platter. As for the delicious dinner…catered by Meijer.  Again you were up in the middle of the night, to make all look homemade.

You bought sparkling grape juice for a toast after the forty minute saga about how Jesus saved your second cousin from a heroin overdose. You mention that Ted is a gracious guest, unlike other years when he slurred his saying of grace.  Rehabilitation has been a huge success for Ted.(He is still in rehab, with a single day pass for Christmas.)

It started to snow and the kids were so excited.  They peeked out the curtains to watch the flakes fall, and see a large pick up truck slide into Uncle Jimmy’s new car parked in front of the house. The snow and the kids peeking out the window made it into the letter.  Uncle Jimmy’s car was totalled, and was not mentioned.  Neither were the string of inappropriate language that came out of Uncle Jimmy’s mouth.  The kids thought the police car’s lights were Christmas lights.

All and all, Christmas is festive each year.  It is the bizarre behaviors and events that make the seasons most memorable.  Write the letter, and end it with a disclaimer:  “Only half of what is in the letter is true, and the rest of it is usually worked out by February.”