You know you are a mother when:

*the kids ask you what animal the meat came from at dinner

* you have a rash on your face and you don’t see it because the only time   see yourself is when you are washing the mirror in the bathroom

*your pulse races when you open up your kids’ report cards

*you dream about sleeping

*you wash the bathroom floor with you kids’ underwear because they are the only rags in the house

*you forget what day of the week it is

*you forget how old you are

*your kids remind you how old you are

*you lose your dentures

*your kids hid your dentures

*you can hear the school bus from a mile away

*the apple you intend for the teacher has a bite out of it

*you fall asleep at your kids’ choir concerts

*you contemplate locking the doors in the house when the kids are playing outside

*you watch them playing outside

*interior decorating means you make the beds

*you look pregnant when you are not

*you watch children’s t.v. programs and you like them

*you smell the kids’ dirty clothes when you miss them

*the only creative moment you have is picking out the pattern on paper towels

*your dog eats scented crayons

*you have the bra size you wanted as a teen, but it is not sexy

*you find yourself reading this