I taught kindergarten for seven years.  We had a bathroom: one toilet, one sink.  The first day of school was always full of wonder.  Some kids did not know what “Line up” meant. We worked on this by me calling this movement “Like ducks in a row…or like a choo-choo train.”

Then, I would take the girls into the bathroom and explain how it was to be used.  They stood like cherubs as I went through the rules.  I sent the girls out and brought the boys into the bathroom.

There was pandemonium. At least five of fifteen boys whipped out their willies and peed into the toilet at the same time.  I remember saying, “That is why we are here, now. to learn the rules.  Everyone out, we will try this once again.”  We turned the little red stop sign on the door.  I told them to also knock politely on the door before going in…more on that later.  “I am telling you, one of you at a time use this bathroom!”  We all went back in and I had their attention once again and we went through the rules of bathroom use.  No one peed.  One little boy, however, undid his pants and sat on the toilet and pooped.

I tried hard not to have to use the toilet in the classroom.  There was an adult bathroom in the hallway.  I had to pee one day, so I went in there quickly.  I forgot to lock the door, so when the school’s doors opened all of the children roared into the hallway. I heard a knock on the door.  I emitted an odd sound. One child opened the unlocked bathroom door and there I was, on the toilet.  All of my students saw me. I never drank coffee before teaching again.