When I was little, I took ballet classes. I was three! In high school, I had a ballet barre in the basement and every morning I did a full barre and floor routine at six in the morning. I did that because I wanted to become a ballerina. I would slip on my ballet gear and head downstairs and I never drank coffee. I had a ballet teacher who was a Prima Ballerina and she was as big as a bus. She measured me from head to toe to check whether I had a “ballet body.” I did have a ballet body! Those were wonderful words. That was an eon ago.

I have since married and had four children. I went from a pre-pregnancy weight to my father’s weight in a mere seven months. My doctor noted the weight gain and told me that I was going to be sorry that I just ate and ate and ate. My first baby weighed six ounces under ten pounds. Really!

I lost some of the weight before the next pregnancy. But I gained it all back in between babies. After menopause, I just kept all the weight on and resigned myself that no diet worked. That was some time ago. Now I am much older and a little fatter. I found ballet shoes that fit, and I struggled to get on a plus-size leotard. It was a battle to stretch it out to get it on. I have now ordered plus-size pink dance tights. These are my Christmas presents. I am looking hard at ballet barres. At my size and age, it is very possible that my ego will shrink and my body won’t.

I have had two x-rays of my right hip and an MRI. I had myself on the floor all stretching to reach our cat from under the bed. I heard a loud “POP”. I did get the cat out from under the bed. The next morning, I got out of that same bed and I could not bear any weight on my right leg. The pain was awful, and I am now into the limping hop stage of recovery. The accident happened over two months ago! I know that I have all the ballet stuff ordered in plus sizes. I actually think I’ll manage to get my feet in the first position, but the fifth position is out of the question.

I look at this foolishness as dementia. I know how the gear will help me get into some semblance of a shape beyond a pear…a big pear. It won’t be from practicing the barre exercises. It will be from my struggle to put on tights, the leotard, and bending over to get on the shoes.